Saturday, January 21, 2012

NFL Conference Championship Predictions

Wild Card Record: 1-3 (turrible)
Divisional Record: 2-2

Conference Championship Predictions


Baltimore Ravens Vs New England Patriots

I think the best thing for The Ravens right now is that everybody is doubting them A LOT in this matchup! Yes we all fucking know Tom Brady and his Uggs are just so fucking great, but lets just talk about this Patriots defense. They aren't that great, yes they can rush the passer, but shit their secondary gets BEAT BAD! Joe Flacco is not a flashy quarterback but he can get the job done and I don't see him having a problem against The Patriots soft defense, especially if they get Ray Rice going early on in the game! Ray Rice is the key to the Baltimore offense if he can't make it happen then Flacco is dropping back 50 times and that usually never works out for any team! The Baltimore defense has been dominant and if anybody can get at Tom Brady it is them and that's what they have to do if they even want a chance at winning this game! What these playoffs have shown this year is that defense wins championships, the top offensive teams this year had mediocre defense (Saints and Packers) and look what happened to them, they are sitting at home watching these playoffs from their couches like the rest of us! I think that theme will continue in this game and The Pats offense will be shutdown, Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs will have Brady on his ass all day and he better not throw near that bad man Ed Reed, injured or not he is going to get that ball in his hands if it gets anywhere near him and he has been known to run them back for touchdowns too!

Ravens over Patriots 21-13


New York Giants Vs San Francisco 49ers

I fucking hate The Giants! The fact that they are this far in the playoffs makes me want to vomit in my hand and then eat it and then vomit it up again! But here they are playing great football and ready to take on The San Francisco 49ers! I'm loving what I see from The 49ers this season, Harbaugh has been a great coach and I love that he is not a bitch in the slightest form, he believes in his team and they believe in him. But the same goes for The Giants right now, they have had a rocky season but right now they are playing the best football, their defense has been creating nothing but turnovers and their offense has been taking advantage of it! The Giants also have two of the fastest receivers in the league all Manning has to do is toss it up and let Cruz or Manningham take care of the rest. When these two faced off earlier this season The 9ers ended up getting the win in a close game, but The Giants are playing a lot better than they were then. I have a feeling this could be a sloppy game for both of the offenses because both of them have powerhouse defense! And I have to go with the stupid fuck who already has proven he can win in the end and that's jerk off Eli Manning! As soon as The Giants beat The Packers last week I was kicked so hard in the gut because I knew what was going to happen, the un-fucking thinkable, The Giants are going to The Super Bowl and believe me I won't be happy about it!

Giants over 49ers 24-17

Friday, January 13, 2012

NFL Divisional Round Predictions

Wild Card Record: 1-3 (Turrible)

Divisional Round Predictions


Denver Broncos Vs New England Patriots

Jesus Christ will Tim Tebow's ass ever fucking go away? One more week with ESPN kissing his ass this shit is starting to get on my nerves! But oh well this Tim Tebow ass kissfest should be coming to a close this week. They travel to New England to play The Patriots and even though they haven't won a playoff game in a few years, The Patriots are still a good team and a much better team then the Denver Tebows...I mean Broncos. The Patriots defense is God awful, but their offense is fucking awesome when Tom Brady is on! The Patriots offensive line has to give him a clean pocket because The Broncos defense is aggressive and really good and they're going to be looking to go after Brady. Even if The Patriots play subpar on defense but great on offense they should get the win. The Patriots kicked The Broncos ass earlier this season and their defense actually had one of their best games of the season against The Broncos, they had girlfriend Tebow running for her life! I expect the same this time around, The Patriots have been known to make examples out of mediocre teams just to let the rest of the league know they're still around.

Patriots over Broncos 42-17

Houston Texans Vs Baltimore Ravens

The Texans have had a great year so far and overcame a lot of adversity to get to this point, they are missing two of their top players, Matt Schaub their quarterback and Mario Williams their beast Outside linebacker and yet they still are a competitive team. The Ravens have had a great year, they have been dominant at home, the defense has been great as usual and their offense can make big plays when they need them. They have lost to some pretty mediocre teams, but at home they are undefeated and they got a bye week to rest up and get prepared for this game. Both of these teams play great on defense, they attack the quarterback and can force big turnovers. But eventually at some point The Texans quarterback issues will catch up to them and I think this is the week. Ray Lewis and Terrell Suggs are two of the best linebackers in the league and you know they are ready for this game and ready to make T.J. Yates life hell! On offense The Ravens have to rely on Ray Rice if he doesn't get the ball moving then everything will be on Flacco and that usually doesn't work out for The Ravens. I think this will be a close game but I also think The Ravens are the better team and will get the win.

Ravens over Texans 17-10


New Orleans Saints Vs San Francisco 49ers

The 49ers have come out of nowhere this season and have been one of the best teams in the league. Jim Harbaugh has this team playing at a high level, especially on defense. The 49ers defense has been one of the tops in the league and have been carrying them throughout the season, their rookie Aldon Smith has been throwing around quarterbacks all season long and putting so much pressure on the line that they are creating turnovers as well. The offense gets the job done, they aren't flashy whatsoever and they usually aren't going to blow you out, but they can get a big score when they need it, or just have David Akers kick a bunch of field goals. But what sucks for The 9ers is Drew Brees and the growth on his face are coming to town and The Saints are on fire! I know The Saints don't play well on the road but right now The Saints are the hottest team in the playoffs and Drew Brees is playing out of his mind! He is so on point it's going to take a really good defense to stop him or a really good offense to out score them. The 49ers do have a good enough defense to stop him, but their offense cannot keep pace with them. I have a feeling The 9ers offense will let them down in the end and The Saints will get the win.

Saints over 49ers 34-17

New York Giants Vs Green Bay Packers

The Giants are like fucking herpes, they just don't ever fucking go away! Just when you're ready to write this team off there's Eli Manning's stupid retarded ass face at the podium discussing another victory. Even though he isn't the only reason they're getting the wins, he has some good, fast receivers to get the ball to and their defense is solid. The Giants front line is one of the best in the league even when they get injured the backup comes in and kills the quarterback. The Packers are the defending Super Bowl Champs and basically picked up where they left off last season, Aaron Rodgers has been on point all season long just ripping apart every defense that has faced him. He has a ton of weapons to work with and now their ground game has finally started to get going too so even more for the defense to worry about. The Packers defense isn't great, but they're also not terrible. They can make big plays when they need to and keep the score close enough to help their offense out. I have a feeling this game will be similar to when they played earlier this season a shootout between the offenses and whoever makes the big play in the end will get the win. The Packers are undefeated at home and the much better team Eli will probably throw it away to The Packers in the end.

Packers over Giants 35-31

Friday, January 6, 2012

NFL Wild Card Predictions

Wild Card Playoff Predictions


Cincinnati Bengals Vs Houston Texans

Well this is not a matchup anybody predicted to start this seasons playoffs, but here it is! Congrats to The Texans for getting into the playoffs for the first time in their history, which by the way I predicted before the season started, but what sucks for them is Matt Schaub is injured and his backups have been holding it down, but this is the playoffs! I really did not expect to see The Bengals in this at all, but rookies Andy Dalton and AJ Green have been lighting it up on offense and the defense was one of the best in the league. Earlier in the season when these two faced off The Texans squeeked by with the win by one point and they really didn't play well at all The Bengals turnovers helped them out, but this time around I think it will be different. The Texans haven't been playing well at all the last few weeks they're rolling in with a three game losing streak, the offense has slowed down and the defense has not been as dominant. It seems like their injuries are finally taking its toll on the team and going up against a young, hungry team like The Bengals. The Bengals offense has been able to keep up with the best and their defense creates turnovers and a lot of them so The Texans better watch out because I think they bout ta get BLOWN UP!!

Bengals over Texans 27-10

Pittsburgh Steelers Vs Denver Broncos

Well zip ah dee do da TebowTime is going to last one more mother fucking week! Tebow can play like absolute garbage, roll into the playoffs on a three game losing streak, have a shitty ass 8-8 record and yet here he is Jesus's girl Timmy Tebow in the playoffs! Barf! I am so sick and tired of Tebow, but I am so excited about this matchup because The Steelers are going to kick the shit out of The Broncos! The Steelers defense is going to have Tebow running for his life and probably turning the ball over like crazy, James Harrison is going to have a field day with this bitch! The Steelers lost their running back Rashard Mendenhall for the playoffs which kills their offense, but you know my man Big Ben Roethlisberger can lock it down, even if he is injured! Unlike some athletes now a days Roethlisberger is not a pussy when it comes to injuries and when its playoff time he is at his best! His record is 10-3 in the post season, which is one of the best records in the playoffs for a quarterback (I wish I could say the same for Tony Romo's stupid ass)! I don't see this game being close at all at any point except for at kickoff when its 0-0.

Steelers over Broncos 42-7


Detroit Lions Vs New Orleans Saints

Drew Brees of The Saints has had one of the best seasons a quarterback can have, not only did he break Dan Marino's record for most passing yards in a season, but he has been so on point with every pass and in every game he is tough to stop! He has carried this team all season and has made a strong case to be the league MVP. The Lions have had their ups and downs this season, they started off strong on offense and defense at the beginning of the season, but towards the end they started to lose their swagger. They're still a solid team, but what sucks for them is they have to travel to New Orleans where The Saints are undefeated this season and also a better more experienced squad. This should be a good offensive shootout, but I think The Saints are going to be too much for The Lions to Handle and will get the win. God it was so hard for me to give The Saints all those compliments blech!

Saints over Lions 42-31

Atlanta Falcons Vs New York Giants

Both of these teams have had their ups and downs all season long. Neither one has looked dominant and have had quite a few close calls this season. These teams are so similar its tough to pick a winner in this matchup, on offense they can score a bunch of points and on defense can throw people around and create turnovers, but they both can also play like absolute garbage. Neither team plays well on the road or at home so anything can happen in this one. Basically my pick is going to come down to my hatred of The Giants and I'm hoping to see Manning serve up an Eli special and have a terrible game with a few turnovers and constantly walking off the field with that “Awww Shucks” look on his face all day!

Falcons over Giants 24-21